woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
