You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
