I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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