she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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