I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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