i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
