You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
