i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
