Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
