And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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