just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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