Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize