Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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