Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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