Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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