Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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