well I can't set my house on fire every night
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize