I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
