I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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