yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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