my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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