do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
