Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
