apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
