lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
