I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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