I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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