I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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