This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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