What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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