I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
