I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
