it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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