dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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