when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hippo gnu deer
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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