i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
