No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
