I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
