do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
