thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize