Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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