YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
