Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
