I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize