I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
