we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
