areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
