So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize