No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
