I can text with my tongue
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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