I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize