you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
