Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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