I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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