I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
