mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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