in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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