I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
