Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
