I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
