Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize