worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
