On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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