So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
