is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
