I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just high enough for therapy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
