I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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