I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
