every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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