Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
