I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
