planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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