i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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