OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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