i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
