I am puke
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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