I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize