I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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