smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
