Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
