before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
