You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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