Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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