yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
