how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize