I bet he comes in French.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm too high and old for this...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
