I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
