Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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