I must be too annoying 4 u.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's the barista slut.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
